Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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