did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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