I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
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