I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
