Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
