Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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