I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
