look no pants
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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