2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
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