Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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