Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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