my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
She is in my trunk
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
You made out with two different species that night
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
