your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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