So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
