went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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