im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
