how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Randomize
