Your tits are I can't wait for
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
