Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
