it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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