So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
