I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
