the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
