How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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