just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
