I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
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