First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And my parents said I crawled through the house
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize