The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
