Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
