i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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