Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I queefed so loud it echoed.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
