it was like fucking gandolphs beard
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
