Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
