If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
