he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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