At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
