we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
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I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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