I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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