People with herpes should wear stickers.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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