this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
