i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
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All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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