maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
