i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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