Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
