Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
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I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
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Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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