Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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