ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
