I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
