I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
The struggles of a small town man whore
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
