It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
