Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
