Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
