Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
