listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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