Need sex. Gaining weight.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
