i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
So much Jack, so little girl.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
