My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
