you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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