I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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