Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
so let's talk penis.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
