garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
