she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
