dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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