As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
