Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
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