I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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