Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
