I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
