I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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