Do you still have your period?
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
she smelled like a LAN party
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
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