seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
