hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
