Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
My dad just said "fuck circus"
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
