Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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