I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
You took a bar mat shot.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
