I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
