you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
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